So, I'm the spawn of Britney and her dealer, I mean my babydaddy, freeloading Kevin Federline. Who knew that he would be the "good" parent? Face it, I'm screwed more than my momma during her fake virgin years.

I hope to be a deaf foster child. I wish I could be taken to a home where I will never hear Popozao again.

Inhaling secondhand smoke, coming off caffeine jitters, choking down Cheetoh dust, hoping for some ProActiv, wishing I had a carseat, wondering if I can eat that little dog since Mom forgot to feed me again, shielding my eyes from the scary vajayjay, crying for my future.